Seeing You in the Crowd

Saw you in the crowd. 
You were standing there with other guys; not much talking yet always smiling. 
Goofy smile, silly smile. 
Since that my eyes trained well to look for you. 
It's always been easy for me to find you. 
You look at me, I look at you. 
I don't know what kind of look you give me, but it surely drowned me deep. 
I know this could be wrong, this could be stupid idea. 
As stupid as me waiting for you to come out. 
As stupid as me getting nervous when you're around. 
I can't help but apologize to myself. 
You're nice; nice and dreamy, dreamy and funny. 
You're funny without even trying to be. 
As funny as me complimenting you because you're just total stranger. 
As funny as believing you and I could be something. 
I can't help but keep looking for you around. 
I don't even know your name, or your favorite song currently. 
I don't even know what makes you smiling a lot, or why do you eat so fast. 
As fast as me falling for you. 
As fast as time wasted without you realize that here I am. 
I still remember what you wore from the first time till the last time I saw you. 
I still remember how your voice and laugh sounds, light and contagious. 
As contagious as the disease that makes you paralyze. 
As contagious as thousand smile of angels.

Now I'm scared of the existence and oblivion. I'm scared of what's coming and what's going. I'm scared of what's started and what's ended.

Because I know I'll never see you again once I saw you.

DON'T DO SUICIDE

Suicide? Pasti banyak dari kalian yang tau dan paham apa itu suicide. Yup, suicide is the action of killing oneself intentionally alias mengakhiri hidupnya sendiri atau 'kasarnya' bunuh diri. Is it that bad? YES IT IS THAT BAD.

Lalu kenapa masih banyak orang lain -atau yang mau dibahas di sini adalah suicide di kalangan remaja- memutuskan untuk mengakhiri hidupnya? Hal itu bisa aja didasari beberapa hal yang sangat menekan remaja-remaja untuk suicide, biasa berupa mental disorder sendiri seperti depresi, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, kecanduan alkohol atau narkoba, atau memang dia emotionally unstable. Masalah-masalah yang terlalu berat bagi si korban maupun tekanan orang-orang sekitar juga dipercaya menjadi pendukung seseorang untuk melakukan suicide. 

 I feel like I don't need to write about the ways to suicide because I know you've already known about that, jadi kita skip ya (Iya.) Menurut situs wikipedia 800.000-1.000.000 orang meninggal setiap tahunnya karena suicide. Di Indonesia sendiri, terdapat 31 kasus bunuh diri yang terjadi di tahun 2012, 13 kasus nakibat putus cinta, 7 kasus akibat masalah ekonomi, 8 karena ketidakharmonisan keluarga, dan 3 kasus akibat masalah akademis (http://www.academia.edu). 

Untuk selengkapnya kalian mungkin bisa googling sendiri untuk mengetahui lebih lanjut, I just want to tell you guys, kalau kalian punya pikiran untuk bunuh diri, please don't.

I know how it feels to be alone, feels like nobody cares about you. Ngerasa dunia gak adil dan ngerasa masalah kamu tuh paling berat dari apa yang dialami temen-temen kamu. Atau mungkin kamu ngerasa kamu tertekan, serba salah, atau BAHKAN berpikir you'd rather die.

Just don't. People love you even though they don't show or tell it often. People don't want to lose you. Bayangin aja orang tua kamu yang kerja mati-matian buat bayar uang sekolah atau uang jajan kamu, beban mereka lebih besar, bahkan pas mereka remaja they don't have anything like you have now, yet they get through it.

Count your problems as blessings, COME ON you're not that weak. Berusaha pikir positif even though I KNOW it's so damn hard. Show to those bitches and assholes out there that you're even stronger than they ever thought. If your friends are not there for you, then leave. Go find others who are accepting you, being there for you. There always someone somewhere who will fight for you, who will love you. 

If you did suicide people who love you (Yes, they exist) will sad. Mereka pasti merasa sedih, merasa gagal dan nyesel. They will confused of what did they do wrong of you. Posisikan kamu di mana orang yang kamu sayang ngelakuin suicide, it breaks your heart isn't it?

Hal ini juga untuk menyinggung kalian untuk lebih peka terhadap perasaan orang lain. Don't be mean to others, you'll never know what battle he/she's fighting for. Kita gak tau masalah yang lagi dia jalanin. TREAT people how you want to be TREATED. As simple as that. :') It sucks sometimes people have to be taken away from us in order to appreciate them, but it happens.

Jangan sampe kamu bkal nyesel sambil mikir, "I wish I didn't do that". Regret is a bitch.

I know depression or anything that happens to you that makes you want to do the suicide can't be fixed overnight, even death can't fix it. Please don't. It always takes time, it takes time to heal your wounds, it takes time to be over. Just wait, and try that's the only solution. Cry, swear, scream, take time to be alone, but don't hurt yourself.

I know I'm not even an expert to talk such a psychological thing like this, I just want to share my thought though. Remember when you think you want to do suicide or even hurt yourself, you really think that no one cares, people do care. I care about you, about your stupid silly dreams, about your life goal about your happiness and sadness. YOU deserve to be happy that's your right. It's your time to shine, don't let people knock you down and laugh over you. Stand up, fight up, fight like you're an hungry warrior (well not literally).

HEYYY this is Suicide Hotline Indonesia number  021-500-454 in case you want to talk to someone expert :) 

 

Oh, here's Anna Akana's speak up on her youtube channel about her sister who committed suicide, so heartwrecking; link's down below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvkbHIrrrvU

Stay strong! :) xxxx

 

 

Hey Hi Hello 2014!

Haiiiiii udah lama ga ngepost blog :') ga kerasa 2013 udah berakhir ya. Kalau dipikir-pikir tahun 2013 itu aneh, mungkin karena 2012 the world has ended. Ya gak gitu juga sih sebenernya nyet.

Bicara tentang 2013, hal-hal apa sih yang kita inget banget, yang bener-bener 2013 banget. Miley Cyrus dengan perubahannya yang kontroversial itu? US government yang sempet shut down? Kasus koruptor-koruptor yang kabur ke luar negeri? Iron Man 3, Pasific Rim, Catching Fire? Bayern Munchen yang juara Liga Champion? Gareth Bale the 100M man? Pensiunnya SAF dan (okay) Justin Bieber?

Kira-kira ada ga sih resolusi-resolusi yang kamu bikin buat tahun 2013 kemarin? Udah tercapai resolusi kamu? Atau kamu bahkan lupa apa aja yang ingin kamu capai di 2013?
Beberapa dari orang-orang mungkin ada yang menganggap 2013 itu the best year ever di mana ada pencapaian-pencapaian yang oke banget, lainnya lagi mungkin anggep 2013 itu nothing special.

Nah kita sekarang bahas yuk resolusi/something apa yang kira-kira oke buat dilakuin di 2014 (it feels weird to type 2014 though) ini.

1. NO GALAU
Apa?! Masih galau di 2014? Ahhhh gila looo, move on dong. Jangan galau, kalau mereka emang ga worth it buat kamu, yaudah lepasin. You deserve better. You're young, nice, and maybe lack of romance; tapi jangan galau mulu tiap malem lah!
Malem-malem selalu ngetweet "If only you were here..." "I miss you somat it hurts" "Kangen kamu pake banget" bleh! Hey you can do better than that! Do something yang bikin kamu ga keliatan pathetic-pathetic bangetlah! Buat yang cewe ke salon, belanja, internetan biar up to date. Buat yang cowo ngegym bro, nongkrong, eksis di socmed. Come on, don't waste your time on nothing, you can do this! ;)


2. Speak up
Pernah ga sih kamu selalu mendem apa yang sebenernya kamu mau ngomong? Pernah nyimpen sendiri ide kamu karena takut ditolak dan dianggep freak pas diskusi? Pernah ga ngomong dalem ati apa yang sebenernya kamu bisa ngomong tapi kamu ga ngelakuinnya? NAH, speak up! :)
Maksudnya speak up di sini bukan kamu bisa jadi 'ember' yang ngerocos terus, yang beber-beberin apa yang ada diotak kamu tanpa difilter ya! Omongin apa yang perlu kamu omongin. Ga usah takut sama orang-orang ngejudge kamu. They will judge you if you say nothing anyway. People do judge, you either. Yaudah terima aja. Lakuin apa yang menurut kamu bener. Kalau kamu punya ide pas lagi diskusi, ngomong aja, itu gunanya diskusi. Kalau kamu takut atau merasa 'ga enak' ngomong sama temen kamu tentang hal yang kurang sreg sama kamu, ngomong.
Set your words right tanpa harus offensive. Orang-orang juga seneng kok pasti dengerin opini, saran, komentar, ide, atau nasihat kamu. Tetep, asalkan kamu harus tau waktu, tempat, dan cara penyampaian yang baik dan bener.

3. Be happier than ever
Who doesn't want to be happy?!
Make yourself happy, as simple as that. Do what you wanna do, ride the scariest thing on theme park and scream your butt off, eat your foods, meet new people, make new friends, do the internet thing (well that makes me happy), catch up with old friends, being around your family, taste every ice creams flavour you like, do whatever you want! Happiness is contagious. Kita ga bisa ngarepin orang buat bikin seneng kita kan? Cuma kita yang tau apa yang kita mau. Stop bergantung sama orang atas kesenengan kamu. People do leave you. Don't be trying hard to impress people, if they do, they do. Don't put your self under any pressure. Don't let your self be so unloved; at least make you, yes you, love yourself. Smile more! Hey, your enemies don't like that. :)))

4. Try new thing
Jangan pernah takut buat coba hal baru. They said, "Life begins when you're out of your comfort zone." Just say yes. Cari pengalaman, jangan takut gagal. Toh yang udah berpengalaman aja kadang-kadang masih gagal. Ga ada salahnya memulai sesuatu dari nol.
Pengen nyoba usaha online shop tapi takut ga jalan? Pengen iseng-iseng buat cover di soundcloud tapi takut pendengarnya kena radang gendang telinga? Pengen nyoba bikin blog tapi takut ga dibaca atau takut asik sendiri? (Well that was me) just don't :) toh kalau ga ada yang nikmatin apa yang kamu coba, segaknya kamu tau batas kemampuan kamu sampe mana pada akhirnya. Hey it's fun to have a blog though. I can share whatever in my mind that I couldn't share before; or more fun that some people read it :') 

5. Be thankful
Heeeyyyy things could be worse. Semua masalah yang lagi kamu hadapin bisa aja lebih buruk. Bersyukur aja kamu masih bisa ngeliatin tulisan ini melalui internet lewat HP/tablet/laptop kamu, bersyukur masih bisa akses internet. Stop whining and be thankful for everything you get. I swear your life would be much better if you start appreciating what you've got. 

 That's all. :) That's simple yet hard to do, I know. But hey, let's try together! :D