Once Again

Do you ever get the feeling that this life isn't yours?
It's just like you have no control what to do, how to do.
You just have no idea how the earth go spinning around,
but you, you're going nowhere.

For many times I say to you,
It wasn't me.
Maybe some devils took away my soul,
Came into my body.
Then they said what you don't want to listen.
They do what you don't want so see.
Or I can say, it was me being the devil for myself.

I did what I shouldn't've done.
It's like I want you to look at me, but I turned my head everytime you do.
It's like I want you to find me, but I lost myself everytime you do.
 
You always asked me does anything go wrong,
I always said it's nothing.
It's nothing because it is.
I can't even understand what it is.
I can't tell what goes wrong.
Maybe it's the world, or maybe the universe goes wrong.
It's harder to explain when you know nothing.
So, it's nothing.
Because when I lied to you,
Told you I was okay, somehow makes me happy.

I'm really sorry.
I wasted 'first chance' I had,
At least that's what most people called.
Even though I'm pretty sure,
The first chance is not a chance, is a gift.
A gift you should cherish.
A gift filled by promises you should keep.
A gift people should not waste.

Can we start over again?
Can you reappear to my life and be stranger again?
Can we just introduce ourselves to each other again?
We can relearn what we have gone through.
We can retell jokes that have made laughed our butts off.
We can re-do everything.
We recreate our memories once again.
Just once again.

I'm really sorry.
I lost count how many times I said this for you.

I'd tried with someone else, one maybe two.
I'd tried to distract myself with something else, hobby or pleasure.
But I never feel the way I felt.
With you, it's different.
It's just like a beautiful deep poem that everyone can't understand.
As you said to me, poem is just scars transforming into words.
It's just like diving into the ocean thinking you can catch every fish, but you can't.
As you said to me, "There is plenty of fish in the sea, but you're my Nemo."

I really like every thought you share to me every late night.
And I really hate the fact that I spend this few nights with my mind empty.
It just makes me sleepy and can't sleep at the same time.

Therefore I don't need someone else,
I don't need anything else.
I just need my second chance.
Or maybe I should call it 'my second gift'.

I don't need anyone else but you.